I’m a genius!!!! And I thought I was totally balmy.

Like I said, I am always composing [talking to myself], I just have to start writing it down. Today, a cousin posted a link on FB and I read the article.

I discovered this author believes  talking to ones self means you are a genius. I could call my self a lot of things, genius is not ever on the list except in a disparaging tone [ex. Well, THAT was a genius move].  Stick around long enough and you learn a lot of things, this is one of those things. Here is the link to the article, draw  your own conclusions.

http://eclecticread.topratedviral.com/article/science-says-people-who-talk-to-themselves-are-geniuses/promote/1001135

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Well, life gets in the way.

I am not sure how the super efficient get anything done. I am totally befuddled.

How does one have a life with all the plans and schemes that are unique to them and have a relationship with others? It escapes me. I am afraid I don’t do it very well. Life to me is a joint operation with those that want to share it, I am finding that it is very hard to do and maintain any semblance of sanity. I did it for 40 years, but, then I had a partner who shared my belief of relationship.

My daughter is needing my help, I could just turn it over to paid people but that is not my style. I don’t get the information that I need and she gets belligerent because she can with social workers and care attendants.   My granddaughter is needing help and has had frustration navigating  the  system. She is 500 miles away and I am going to go help her this next week. While I am there I am going to trade lodging for being available for two other grandchildren while my daughter and son-in-law travel to meet her oldest daughter and son-in-law.

Still I need to get My greenhouse up. It is a work in progress. The wind is a problem, running errands and keeping up with the demands of life, is going to take precedent I guess.

I get a new member of the family today. Miss Ford, my recently departed friend’s cat is coming to live with me. I have missed having a cat around. I have three little dogs [one abandoned me for the rugged life of chasing skunks and gophers on the ranch], but he is still mine. The traitor is a rescue, I rescued him from a life in town, he loves the great outdoors and is a hunter extraordinaire,  his favorite fragrance these days  is skunk.  The matriarch’s  “mom”  passed on and made her an orphan. And there is the upstart of a yappy little pound dog who is just developing a personality unique to her, she is coming into her own.

There is nothing like having  cat curl up next to you and turn her purr motor on. It is soothing and calming. So looking forward to picking her up. I miss it.

SPRING!!!!!

Here it is the middle of February and it is 50 degrees out there. In Montana it is to warm, the trees are showing signs of sap running. It is too early.The Weather Service issued a wind warning of winds possible to 80 mph, that is March weather. So the wind has blown for several days and now it is supposed to rain. Welcome to Montana in March, wait, it’s only February.

Montana has a habit of showing it’s warmer self and then suddenly it remembers that it is Montana and Montana is COLD, so it gets -10 overnight. To say we have schizophrenic weather is an understatement, frozen flower buds will attest to that.

I am truly tired of cloudy skies and would like to see the sun for more than one day at a time. Then, I am a sufferer of SAD. The lack of sun throws me into the blues and prolonged lack of sun throws me head first into the murky waters of depression where it is next to impossible to find the way to the surface.

Today is not a good day for me, I am trying to deal with my handicapped daughters financial affairs and the state intrusion into her finances. I understand the need to be financially reimbursed for their services but when she is unable to pay what they want for reimbursement, and then they increase that amount.  Needless to say the lack of sun is the least of my problems today.

Oh well. I guess I will go lay tile for a little while and see if the State worker will really call me back.

Worry

How many of us are worriers? We worry about things that will happen. We worry that things won’t happen. We worry about things we can’t control. We worry about things we can control. Basically our worries are about tommorow.

I ran across this saying, it was uncited so I can’t give credit. “We worry about tommorrow as if it were promised”. I pondered that and reread it then added a comma after tomorrow. Then it made more sense.

I had to go to Helena for a meeting, so I had a lot of time to contemplate the words.  it is a profound thought. Is tomorrow promised? Or just a desire. Ask anyone that has had close encounter with their own mortality, I think they would say it is only a desire.

At the back of my mind echoed a thought I had heard often in my youth, “tomorrow is gift”

Think of it, a gift to be appreciated, to be enjoyed and have gratitude for. A gift is given without strings attached,  the only expectation is that it will be used to the benefit of the reciever.

All of you enjoy the gift you have been given. Tomorrow is not a promise, quit worrying about it.

Alone time

I spend a lot of time alone. I like being alone. I don’t like being lonely,  they are two different things. When I am working on a project, I enjoy the solitude of aloneness. Just me and my thoughts and at times my music or a good audio book. When I have someone there working on a different project in the same space I enjoy the quiet companionship. When there is another person in the same space though, there is a heightend awareness and readiness to be engaged. The ideal companion for sharing a space for projects is someone that is also engrossed in their own project.  loneliness is a harder thing to explane, it is a sense that you have nothing in common and you are left out because of it. I am lonley in a room of people that are all talking of doing things that I am not able to take part in. The visual of this is a man in a room of women talking about childbirth, or women in a room of men talking about their libido.  Outside of a few cursory questions it is hard to engage in any meaningful way. I try to be polite and sit quietly and not ask obviously stupid questions. If possible I try to avoid these situations, sometimes it is not possible though.

I was raised to think that there were no stupid questions, but have since come to know the signs that I have asked one. Eye rolling is one sign, so is the blank stare that shows total disbelief that it is not common knowledge and I am that unbelievably stupid.

Oh, well I need to figure out how to avoid that particular group in the future. I still have a hat to make.

Why?

My neighbor popped in this morning and needed to unburden. Her partner is in a job he hates, he is worrying him self skinny. Why? I wonder how many of do this, I my self worry my self fat, why? I can’t do anything about other people, I only control my self. I am at a loss as to why we as a species do this, it must be because we are “high functioning” mammals. makes a lot of sense doesn’t it .If being a “high functioning” mammal is a good thing then we should be happy, shouldn’t we? yet we aren’t.

Why do we complain about winter and then complain when it is summer? Why do we fret about things that are the natural order of things and we have no control? Maybe that is our control, I just get heartburn when I worry about things I can’t do anything about. Like the state of my neighbors partner’s job or the temperature outside . So, I won’t.

My mind is just wandering and doesn’t want to settle. I am supposed to be doing other things and yet here I sit wondering. This is not going to get the kitchen cleaned, nor is it going to make the dirt go away on the floors. I have a hat to make.

Blogging is hard work

Well, at least for someone that loses track of what day it is. It’s a lot like work. Blogging takes commitment. Maybe that is what it will take, to be comitted. it was just  yesterday that I was struggling to put my thoughts down in a logical format……that is what it feels like. It is much longer ago than just yesterday.  lets see what tomorrow brings. Till tomorrow….