Steroid driven rage.

I have just completed a course of oral steroids. It is a wonder that more violent crimes are not committed by us that are being treated with oral steroids. I usually try to go into hiding when these drugs are prescribed to save those around me from mental and physical harm. Not that I would intentionally harm someone, but these steroids could push a less stable person over the edge.

The rage that is invoked, is one that makes no sense later but is perfectly justified at the time.

Is that a legitimate defense  for the missteps of the last few weeks? I wonder.  I don’t know if I can tell my angry 15-year-old grandson that it was the drugs and make it stick [at least with a straight face] . He was the beneficiary of my over the top, but justified anger.  An angry teenager is difficult to convince of anything.

What I have found is that the steroids are like drink, they only remove the inhibitions to react to something that is usually kept in check. Then the mind-set is to allow action that is only dreamed of in the fantasy of retribution or fulfillment. On the other hand they can cause profound depression. I have been on both ends of this spectrum. Curling up in a fetal position is an option right now

This time, it was the anger and I was convinced to not “go hide” by Arnie [bad decision]. The timing was a perfect storm scenario. There was the planned surprise party with the preparations required for the influx of company. Then the trip to southern Utah during the extreme heat of the summer and the return to a house that had been inhabited by a not so committed housekeeper on vacation, then the rush to get ready for the annual trip inhibited the desire and need to get away. Unfortunately he is probably regretting that decision that now.

Why the steroids on top of all this confusion, when just the confusion and stress is enough to cause MS to flare?  I guess not being able to concentrate and the threatened tremors motivated the call to the doctor.

Now, I am in a house of partially deaf people and young children. The partially deaf are loud to compensate for their inability to hear themselves, they speak up to make sure all others don’t miss their important points.

A two-year old and an eight year old – quiet, not!! The two-year old is just a normal two-year old that has faulty and underdeveloped volume and impulse controllers. The eight year old has issues of independence and control. Independence and control over little brother and mothers meddling. Tomorrow is another day, I hope.

I need a Vacation – no seriously,………………………….. a vacation from vacation.

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Running away – the girl from nowhere in particular.

In 1994 my husband, Chuck, and I pulled up stakes and ran away from home.

After a truly difficult year of the exacerbation that led to the diagnosis of MS and the end of my neurosis,  we felt the need to change our air.

I was unable to do a lot of the things that we had done together, Chuck needed to fulfill his desire to return to his familial home. Our children had reached the age of majority and we were afraid that at one, maybe two were going to be permanent residents.

Charles W [Chuck] and I met in early 1970, from the first date were constant companions. We were matched emotionally and mentally. He was divorced and I was divorce and looking for compatible companionship. We found it and joined his five children and my one son into the state of Holy Matrimony. Soon there was a set of twin girls added. Our house was full, and had a revolving door for his children, they came and went on their whim or their mothers whim. This is difficult for any relationship, our was no different. We were committed to each other and we survived the children. If nothing else it drew us closer, we became joined at the hip so to speak.

The years of my neurosis [That was doctor speak for my many undiagnosed symptoms] were trying. I had spent many months with constant headaches working full a full-time job and trying to raise our blended family. There were times of unexplained numbness and extreme fatigue that would come out nowhere and be gone into nowhere just as quickly. I had just about given up and accepted the neurosis explanation, when I  forgot how to walk in a straight line. I even asked the diagnosing neurologist if it was terminal neurosis that I had. He assured me that it was MS and I should just go home and be glad that I wasn’t any worse than I was. Easy for him to say. He got fired right there on the spot. I had lived with these unexplained things since before we buried my mother who died from complications of MS  twenty years earlier. I found a good and sympathetic Neurologist. I’ve kept her for all these years. They tell me MS is not inheritable. Tell that to my daughter that was just diagnosed with MS a few years ago.

Anyway, back to running away. I was not able to do a lot of things that we had spent our married lives doing anymore and moving to Montana was a lot better than staying in the city. He had inherited the childhood home of his mother, the Central Hotel in Radersburg. This was our destination.

The hotel was more a boarding house than a hotel by current standards. It was built in about 1867 of hand hewed logs and grafted scavenged buildings. At one time in the heyday of the mining boom the number of guests was in excess of 20 men. This, in a small 6 room space, and the family of 6 lived there.  The only way I can figure the accommodations working out is that they slept in shifts and shared beds.

We bought an adjacent property, the closed grocery store. We re-opened the store and ran it for 10 years.

In Montana driving long distances is not a problem, everything is a long drive away. The closest gas station is 20 miles away, we did OK until the wild fires of 2000. The fires forced the closure of public lands, this stopped the summer traffic for two summers due to fire danger and smokey conditions. Summer traffic was the mainstay of the business, losing that was more than we could tolerate business wise or financially.

Then, cancer joined our family. Esophageal cancer to be precise. What a terrible disease cancer is. My big strong husband of almost 40 years did not have the strength to  fight this demon. His 6 ft., 200 pound frame dwindled to a frail shadow of his former self,  it took him less than two years to lose the battle.

I am happy that he had the opportunity to make it back to the family home, it is too bad that he didn’t live longer to enjoy more of it.

I took his middle daughter to decorate his grave today [Memorial Day], she will be buried alongside us in the family plot of the pioneer cemetery that is the resting place of two of his aunts, his grandparents, one uncle and his sister and brother-in-law. His niece and great nephews  are talking about sites there also.

I became a widow in a place that I was not native to but allowed me to be part of. I am grateful for their quiet acceptance of this vagabond girl from nowhere in particular. [Born in Utah, left at three weeks of age and lived in the back seat of a car always headed to the next grand adventure]

That was 6 years ago, I am still on the great adventure. I do like where I have ended up. I am looking to see what is in store for this girl from nowhere in particular.

Do you know your Vitamin D?

I just read an article about Vitamin D. My niece a cancer survivor visited with her cancer doctor and he told her that she had extremely low Vitamin D levels. That could be the explanation for some of her symptoms.

I am aware of the need of sufficient Vitamin D  and the role it plays in Osteoporosis. I read the speculation on MS and Vitamin D. Multiple Sclerosis is more frequent in the northern tier of the earth where there is seasonally limited  sunshine, thereby a lack of Vitamin D.

I do have Osteoporosis. My osteoporosis is a consequence of living past menopause, not being physically active for many years due to Multiple Sclerosis [MS] and some things beyond my control. I take Vitamin D and Boneva for osteoporosis, my doctor says I am on the low-end of normal. That is a norm for me, I am on the low-end of normal in a lot of things.

This article says irritability is a symptom of Vitamin D deficiency, that would explain some things.  I have been like a bear  the last while, I am always growling about something. depression and anxiety are listed as a symptoms.

Many people who are deficient in vitamin D said that in the beginning, they thought their anxiety was caused by something else. Many of these people have been trying to treat depression and/or anxiety with antidepressants and other medications, but it turned out to be unsuccessful. In other words, if your mood problems are caused by vitamin D deficiency, the only way to treat these issues is to treat vitamin D deficiency first.    vitaminddeficiencysymptomsguide

 I have SAD [Seasonal Affect Disorder]. I need to be in the sun for my mental health and for the well-being of those around me. I live in Montana, the winters here are long. Not so dark, just too cold to play outside much. If I don’t have a sunny window I can sit in, then ………….BEWARE.  So I chalk my grumpiness to SAD, maybe it’s tied to both. Because I am a survivor of menopause and don’t make the Vitamin D like I used to and I am on the low-end of normal, Vitamin D deficiency could be the culprit. Then, because I don’t get out in the sun enough, my SAD could be the culprit. Maybe it is a destructive combination of the two. I have to explore this with the neurologist when I see her again.
With the concerns of skin cancer, there is a high use of sun block it even comes in clothes. With all of this sun blocking is there a decrease in the Vitamin D available to us? I can’t help but wonder. Are there more reports of diseases that are linked to Vitamin D deficiency? I would guess so.

Vitamin D is very important for overall health. It takes part in several important processes that take place in the body, some of which are closely related to the immune system. Numerous researches have proven that vitamin D is helpful in preventing diabetes, multiple sclerosis, cardiovascular disease, rickets, osteoporosis, osteomalacia, and certain types of cancer. It is also used as a part of therapy in patients who suffer from these problems.     vitaminddeficiencysymptomsguide

There are many things cited in this article including muscle cramps and fatigue, diabetes and cancer to weight retention.  Check your symptoms and check your Vitamin D.

http://www.vitaminddeficiencysymptomsguide.com/